Happy New Year

Wishing everyone a very happy New Year.

Getting Through It

It's all over now and the hard part begins. The rituals have been performed, respects have been paid and everyone else returns to their regular lives. Getting through the holidays has been tough. This is a time for family, or so they say. So what happens when a family member dies during the holidays? Do you just ignore all of the Christmas carols and commercials featuring happy families around the tree? Unfortunately the holidays are not happy for everyone.

Letting Go

It's all over. Part of me has accepted that my family member is no longer here. Part of me is reluctant to think about how it happened so quickly. This past week I've been on a roller coaster of emotions. I wonder if there will be a time when I'll feel normal again. This is a part of life, but I wonder why we are always so unprepared for it when it happens.

Learning to Let Go part 2

I've been focused on a family member's illness over the past week. It's amazing how much rises to the surface once something like that occurs in your life. You begin to see situations and people in a totally different way. I've been asking why some things I thought were so important are now so trivial.

What I'd like to know is why do people always ask for a status of the person's health. Yes, they want to know, but each time you have to answer that question you're revisiting that painful place. If you know someone going through a time like this, better to just let the person know you are there for them if they need you. Let the person come to you if they want to talk. Don't keep asking them every other day how things are going. Unless you can do something to change the situation, you are not helping.

Perhaps people feel like they should do something, and since all they can do is ask for a status, they do that regularly. If you are not sure what to do, I have a suggestion. Give of yourself by offering your support instead of taking by constantly asking to be kept informed. This may sound a bit harsh, but for those who have (and are) experiencing it, I think you understand what I mean.

Learning to Let Go

Knowing when to let go is something you learn over time. I wish it came naturally, but it doesn't. Right now someone dear to me is in the hospital. It's not likely that he'll leave it, at least not in the way in which I would prefer. On some level he has already left it. Whatever you believe about what happens when someone passes, the transition isn't only for the person who is dying...or has died. It is also for those who are left behind.

My own transition right now is happening as I write this. I am learning to let go. I am learning that releasing something...or someone does not mean that I have lost them forever. I am letting go and releasing the need to have him here with us. Learning to let go is teaching me lessons beyond what I could have imagined.

Writing About Family Members

I've been wondering if a writer should write about family. There is so much material there - usually lots of drama too. Buried within our experiences with various family members we can find a lot to comment on. The thing is, is it worth the hassle?

What happens when your family reads your work and finds out what you really think of them? If nothing else, it may eliminate the need to show up at certain family gatherings. If they don't like what you've written, you won't have to worry about how you'll be received because they won't sending you any invitations.

Women Entrepreneurs

My radio show, "Women Entrepreneurs - The Secrets of Success" has really taken off. Stop by and listen to the latest show. www.blogtalkradio.com/CoachDeb.

I've also started another blog (I'm a writer, I can't help it). womenentrepreneursecrets.blogspot.com/

It's great to have so many outlets for my creativity. The possibilities are endless - which is always a good thing.

The Creative Entrepreneur

I posted this on Ladies Who Launch a few days ago. It certainly fits in with my posts on this blog, so I decided to post it here too.

It's time to get real. Living a creative life means accepting a whole different way of thinking and being. People may not understand it or approve of it. That comes with the territory. On with the post...

As a creative person I'm capable of doing many things and doing them well. Not only am I writer but I'm also a coach, a photographer, a computer programmer - I could add more but you get the idea. I've changed careers a few times and am in the process of changing my business as well. Change is the word.

When I speak to creative people they're often apologizing for what they perceive is a lack of commitment. Perhaps they've changed direction several times or have started projects then stopped them before completion. They've been made to feel that change is bad and someone who makes a lot of changes must be indecisive, non-committal or just plain irresponsible.

Newsflash - change is good. It's just that some people handle it better than others. For some people, lack of change equals security. They want the same experience over and over.That's fine...for them. However, the creative person is inspired by ideas and new experiences.There's no need to apologize for that. It's what separates the entrepreneurs from everyone else.

In the Creative Flow

About a week ago I finally surrendered to the fact that I will always be balancing between writing and everything else. I was waiting for the time when the business part would stop taking time away from the creative part. Well, that's not going to happen. There will always be something else to be done or to be created or to be maintained.

When I was in IT I gave up writing. Deciding it was just a hobby, I turned my full attention to working long hours in the corporate world. It paid well, at times. Other than that, I don't have very much to show for it. However, the creative part is still here and always will be. It's part of who I am no matter what else I may be doing. There's no running away from it anymore.

I'm a writer and a coach and a photographer and whatever else I decide to try out. One does not have to win out over the other. They can all coexist peacefully. The struggle is over.

The Art of the Possible

Just last Tuesday there was a shift in what I thought was possible. Now, it feels as though it should never have been seen as IMpossible. A shift in perception can change your entire experience. From then on, nothing can be the same.

Creativity can be very similar, I think, when we bring forth what has been inside of us. Sometimes it sits patiently waiting for us to focus on it. Other times it keeps us awake at night until we finally express it. Just the act of creating that book or painting or piece of art changes us and changes everyone else who experiences it.

When we have created what has been inside of our mind and heart, we can't stop there. There's always the next idea waiting, and the next and the next. With each expression, each birth, we change and we grow. Nothing can stay the same, and nothing is really impossible.

I've Witnessed History

Balancing Act

Still performing the balancing act between freelance writing and coaching. Surprisingly I continue to get writing clients without doing any marketing. Perhaps because I'm not stressing about "selling" my writing. I'm just doing it.

Meanwhile my fiction writing and poetry is on hold. Not my first choice, but I'm paying more attention to the paying activities. I'm still trying to find balance and not always succeeding.

Marketing Minutes with Michelle

I'll be a guest on Michelle's Blog Talk Radio show on Thursday, Oct. 10th at 10:00 am EST. Hope you can join me!

Marketing Moments with Michelle - 3M Ideas
Date / Time: 10/9/2008 10:00 AM EST

www.blogtalkradio.com/themoneyguru

Call-in Number: (347) 215-8046

Each week Michelle interviews women who run their own businesses. They will share their success stories, aspirations, and their drive to do what they do. Tune in on Thursdays at 10 to learn more about women on the move. http://www.theoliverfinancialgroup.com

Banned Books Week 9/27 - 10/4

From the American Library Association site:

Banned Books Week
Celebrating the Freedom to Read
September 27–October 4, 2008
Banned Books Week: Celebrating the Freedom to Read is observed during the last week of September each year. Observed since 1982, this annual ALA event reminds Americans not to take this precious democratic freedom for granted. This year, 2008, marks BBW's 27th anniversary (September 27 through October 4).

Read more at http://www.ala.org/bbooks

and visit Google's book search for a list of challenged books: http://books.google.com/googlebooks/banned/

Should You Consider a Job Change in This Economy?

I'm looking forward to presenting this teleclass on October 23, 2008 at 12:00 Noon EST. Hope you can join me!

Register here: Downtown Women's Club.

“Should You Consider a Job Change in This Economy? Tips to Help Make the Best Decision”

Depressing news about the economy may lead you to believe you can't find a new job or make changes. Limiting beliefs about what you can achieve can keep you stuck in situations that become frustrating. The reality is that you can always make changes as long as you prepare ahead of time. Making a plan for your success will insure that you can transition into a better job or a more rewarding career.

1. Identify what you're not happy about in your current job
2. What is your vision for your "dream" job or career?
3. How to fill the "gap" with a plan to move forward

Though I'm in business for myself right now, I worked for a couple of decades in the corporate world. It's easy to understand the feeling of frustration that comes when you feel a loss of control over your job and your career.

It was a big mindset change for me to get to where I am right now. I'm looking forward to sharing some strategies for others to regroup and move forward.

Wearing Different Hats

In my coaching class I had a session where I was coached by one of the other students. During the session I expressed my frustration at my always putting off my fiction writing. Throughout a decade and a half of corporate indenture, I gave up my writing because it had nothing to do (in my opinion) with making money.

Now that I am a business owner and in control of my own time, I still do not make time to write everyday. The coach asked me what colors I associate with my writing. That was easy. My business writing is corporate blue. My fiction writing and poetry is red (which lately has become my favorite color). She suggested that I wear a blue hat when I write for business and a red hat when I write fiction. I've heard of writers doing this in order to create a line of demarcation between the business and creative work, but I'd never considered it for myself. But when she said it, it made so much sense.

There is a difference for me between the two worlds. I fell into a pattern of only living in one world for so long. It's still an unfamiliar place for me to return to, though it afects me negatively when I don't write for pleasure. Over the years I trained myself to put everything away that did not lead directly to a cash payment. Now I'm still working to create a balance in my life. I just thought once I started to work for myself that it would be easier than it has been.

Keeping Up

I'm finding it hard to keep up with all the writing. Blogs, Twitter, articles, web site updates for my business -- it's getting to be a bit much. There's a point where even when you love writing, it becomes overwhelming to keep up with everything.

Last week I got to the point where I did not want to spend one more minute in front of my laptop. I wanted to be outside sitting in my backyard. What happens when you're so burned out from the "have to's" and "should's" that you have no interest in writing the things you really want to write? Unfortunately I don't have time to answer that at the moment, I've got work to do!

Adventures in Multitasking

Life can be very interesting when you have multiple interests and talents. I'm a writer first, but I'm also a coach and a watercolor painter. I've also been a computer programmer, business analyst and technical writer. Years ago (when I had a decent camera) I was into photography.

As I mentioned in a previous post, years ago when I was still in IT, I applied for a writing job at a large financial corporation. The job involved writing general business blurbs and such. When I spoke to the HR manager, she said that I was "too technical to write." She'd looked at my resume and decided - in spite of my degree in English and my prior career as a copywriter - that I was no longer a writer.

It was a blow to hear that. One thing I thought I'd always have was my writing. I'd done it for most of my life (even in my technical jobs) so why would I suddenly not be a writer? I offered to send writing samples to prove my ability. She never requested the samples, and I gave up (for a few years) on going back to a professional writing career.

Looking back now it's more amusing than maddening. She judged me by a title, not by what I could actually do. And, because (I suppose) she didn't want to be wrong, she didn't want to see any of my samples. In spite of that I did ultimately escape IT and the corporate cubicle. I've learned to not let someone else define what I can do, especially since it's not expected that people can do more than one thing well.

I used to feel that having multiple interests (and going from one to another) was wrong. That I was not focused enough to stick with one thing forever and ever. A relative of mine once commented on my "inability" to stick with one thing for long. She was referring to my attempt to learn the guitar, which I gave up after about a month. Well, I was learning using a LP recording (yes, it was that long ago) and that got real boring real fast. Maybe if I'd had lessons with a real person, as opposed to one on a record, my interest wouldn't have faded as fast. Or maybe I'd just learned as much as I cared to, and I was off to somethng else.

There's always something new to learn. Why stop at one thing?

Poetry

A poem is a moment in time captured in whatever description that you care to give it. There are rules in some forms of poetry, like the Villanelle, which make them challenging and exciting to write. Of course on my first attempt at that form it didn't quite work out. No matter. Poetry is very forgiving.

Writing While Blocked

It's taken me a while to post. I decided to take a little break from writing. That happens when the voice in my head tells me that all my wonderful ideas really aren't so wonderful, and I'd be better off not putting them on paper. When I start to buy into that idea writer's block sets in.

For me the block isn't a lack of ideas, it's a lack of confidence in those ideas. Happens to all writers, I'm told. In addition I've decided to start writing short stories again. Yet another reason for fear to set in.

What happens when all those great ideas don't sound so great once they're written down? The answer is, keep writing anyway. Those voices in my head (I know that sounds weird, but stick with me here) will always try to throw me off. The job for me is to keep writing in spite of them.

In addition to blog posts, I've also been writing articles. Unfortunately, I find that writing articles for others is a bit troublesome. Most people I've written for seem to think that all they have to do is give me the topic, then I write it and it's perfect. They have no clue that writing is like making bread. You knead it, you roll it around, you let it do its thing, then you repeat. It doesn't just jump from my head to the page fully formed.

What I write will never look exactly like what they would have written in their voice, just as what I put down on the page isn't exactly what's in my head. It changes, it expands or contracts - you find new directions and go beyond your original idea. That's what happens when you write, or at least that's what happens when I do.

Procrastinating Again

Why do I procrastinate?

I can see the entire story, I know how it plays out. The characters all fall into line perfectly and say the right things at the right time. Scenes fall into place effortlessly and the words flow and flow and flow. In reality I wish it could be that way once I start writing, but usually it's not. That's where procrastination comes in. It devises little tasks for me to occupy my time.

There are those times that having a lot of ideas can be as frightening as not having any.

Is There Money in Writing?

Recently a friend of mine sent me an excerpt from an article. It stated that freelance writing was one of the top 5 high-paying home businesses. There was a quote from a writer who said he’d made almost $50K in his first year of business. When I was starting out I had that same goal. My mistake was mentioning that goal to someone I’d met who’d been in business for 20 years who said she thought my goal was unrealistic.

Based on that response, I scaled back my expectations and silently beat myself up for being so ambitious. Since she had been in business for a couple of decades, she obviously knew more than I did, didn’t she? She proved that what I’d heard all along was correct – you can’t make any money as a writer.

Fast forward three years and though I’ve gained confidence in my writing, I’m just starting to accept that professional writer does not have to equal “starving artist.” Though I've had some anxieties about leaving a steady paycheck (well, as steady as a paycheck can be these days) for a life of never being sure how much will come in every month. It’s a high risk way of living, but certainly not without rewards.

Thinking of a Freelance Writing Career?

Last month I had the opportunity to be part of an entrepreneurship panel at my university. It was the first time I'd been back there in quite a while, and I enjoyed the chance to talk to the students. One of the students, Christopher Ming Lee contacted me afterwards and interviewed me about going freelance. The interview is posted on his blog and you can read it here: Freelance Writers Have an Edge Over Corporate Transitioners

Though I have been posting mainly about transitioning from employee to business owner, I've decided to make a change in direction. As a writer I certainly know how difficult it is to be a creative person in this society. Perhaps it's a challenge in any society, so maybe it isn't exactly limited to our culture. I do know that as a business owner I have constant conflicts between my desire to create and my need to make an income. I'd love to just write all day long without any regard about getting paid - but that is not the reality.

I've managed to go into business doing what I love, but it's not without anxiety. Yes, I do believe that the money will follow if you do what you are passionate about, if only because you will put all your energy into it. When things are tough that passion will keep you going.

One other thing has motivated me as well, and that is my total dislike of corporate life. So when the passion seems on the verge of flickering out, you can be certain that my decision to never return to a cubicle will re-ignite it. For me it has been a combination of the strong desire to express my creativity in my professional life, and my equally strong desire to never return to the corporate world.

Are You Ready to Change Your Life?

Are you stuck? Are you still in a job you hate or a relationship that makes you unhappy? Do you feel that things could be better, if only you knew how to change your situation? There is no one way to go about having the life that you want. However, there is one way to be sure you never have it, and that is by doing the same thing that you’ve always done.

If you want change then you have to be willing to do it right now, instead of waiting for some time in the future when things will suddenly be different without any action on your part. If you are focused on the past or dreaming of a future - while doing nothing to live differently right now, you will never have the change you desire.

In order to change you’ll have to drop old baggage and stop living your life based on yesterday’s events. Just because you’ve had jobs you didn’t like doesn’t mean you’ll always have jobs that are unsatisfying. Having bad relationships in the past doesn’t mean you are doomed to repeat the heartbreak over and over.

It is up to you how you will live the rest of your life. You make the choice. What will it be? Are you willing to begin today to live the life you want? Are you ready to take responsibility for your happiness?

If the answer is yes, then start today.

Career and Life Transitions Interview

Want information on how to manage career and life transitions?

Click above on the right to hear my interview on the Blog Talk Radio show, "Help I Want," recorded on April 26th, 2008.

New Article at Women and Biz Magazine

An article of mine, "Be Realistic About Your Business Needs Before You Spend" has been posted at WomenandBiz.com magazine. For the beginning business owner, it is essential to get spending under control. Just one of the things I've had to learn the hard way.

WomenandBiz Article

Changes

I've been going through a transition lately. I'm changing the way I respond to life. It is not easy to go from a negative viewpoint to a positive one. It takes more than saying affirmations (though that does help) it means changing my thoughts and my responses. It means not beating myself and allowing myself to make mistakes.

In the past I've had many situations where I've felt betrayed or badly used. I've carried resentment around with me and created negative expectations based on those experiences. However, if I want to change my life, I have to change how I respond to my experiences.

Believe me, that is not easy. It takes time to change your thoughts - lots of time. My fears constantly rise up
to try and stop me from releasing past baggage. Releasing the past means being vulnerable because I am also releasing the protective armor I've built up over time. I have to be open to new experiences if I really want to change my life. Being open can be very frightening if you've spent years protecting yourself from feeling pain.

I know that the work I'm doing is worth it. I've seen positive results in my life since I've started on this path. It doesn't make it any easier to change though, because as we change we have no idea what is waiting up ahead.

Letting go of learned responses to the things that happen in our lives means letting go of the illusion of control. It's a step-by-step process that will test us as we move forward.

Risky Business

About a week ago I was talking to someone about how I left the corporate world to become a business owner. He responded by saying that he respected me for taking that kind of risk. That wasn’t the first time that I’d had that kind of response. Usually they’ll say that I’m lucky that I’m able to work from home, or that I’m brave to have taken such a risk.

It all depends on how you define risk. I didn’t just get up one day and decide to quit my job. I’d been nurturing the idea over several years. When I finally picked the date to leave my full-time position, I gave myself about 1 year to prepare. I set goals, paid off bills and prepared myself for my next move.

Sure, even with planning it’s still a risk to be self employed, but for me it was also a risk to remain an employee. Each company I’ve worked for has had major layoffs. The bottom line for me was accepting that my corporate jobs weren’t as secure as they had been in the past.

Each person has to decide what they’re willing to put on the line in order to make a change. Yes, making a career change can be a risk, but for me it was a bigger risk to stay where I was. I risked looking back one day years from now, and wondering why I hadn’t tried.

Law of Attraction

What are you attracting? Years ago a career coach told me that I had to work on becoming “irresistibly attractive.” I didn’t completely understand it at the time, but I do now. When we hear the word, “attractive” we usually think of physical appearance. That’s what makeovers usually focus on, don’t they? Changing the outside and expecting that the inside will eventually fall into place.

If you don’t think you deserve a successful business, how can you achieve it? How can you reach something if you don’t feel you can have it? If I don’t believe in my business, then it’s not likely that I’ll attract clients who want to work with me. It’s also not likely that I’ll be successful if I don’t believe it’s possible.

Even though I’d been dreaming of my own business for years, once I started it I didn’t completely believe in it. I wondered how I could compete with more experienced entrepreneurs, and how I could attract people who saw value in what I could do for them. What I have learned is that if I don’t think my work has value, I’m going to attract people who don’t see the value either – and I certainly can’t build a business that way.

If you want to change for the better, then you have to believe in it. You have to be there on the inside long before you see the outside results.

Is that easy? Of course not. We've been conditioned to look at appearances first. So if we don't see outside results, we don't think anything is happening - and if we keep thinking nothing is happening we will continue to attact situations and people to confirm that belief.

More Gratitude Please

Around this time of year it's sort of expected that we'll think about the new things we want in our lives. We're supposed to make resolutions with lists of things we're going to begin doing. Often it seems those resolutions don't last very long because we may not be ready to do the work to make those changes happen.

I think along with focusing on what we want, we should also be thankful for what we have. If you're familiar with The Secret, then you've heard that gratitude is important. If we're not grateful for what we have now, it'll be harder to get other things that we want.

If you want to change careers, you've probably thought a lot about your dream job or business. When you finally have it, suddenly everything will fall into place. You'll be happy. You'll stop hating going to work and your life will be wonderful. In the meantime you've become content to get through each day the best you can. You'll wait to be grateful once you've moved on.

The catch is that if you appreciate what you have, it'll be easier to move on to what you want. I know that sounds contradictory. The things is, if your current job is meeting some of your needs (like paying your bills) then as much as you might dislike having it, it is something to be thankful for. Whatever you're gaining from it at this moment is helping you to prepare for your new career.

Your experiences are adding to your knowledge. Whether you're learning patience from dealing with customers, or a demanding manager, or a promotion you didn't get. Everything you're experiencing is helping to propel you to the next level. For me it became easier when I stopped being pissed off about not having the career I wanted. I put myself in a place of being thankful for what I had (no matter how messed up I thought it was) and grateful for the opportunities I knew were coming.

Sound too simple? Of course it does. It actually is that simple once you stop struggling. It's even easier than writing down resolutions year after year and wondering why nothing ever changes in your life.