I was watching a real estate program where a realtor was telling a seller that her home was too unique. Her bedroom was too "undefined" because it had a divider between the bedroom and the closet. The kitchen tiles were too busy. The driveway too long.
Meanwhile, the property was beautiful and the views were fantastic. It didn't matter; all that mattered was that her home was not plain enough to appeal to most people.
On another show, the realtor walked through saying, "neutralize" whenever she saw a wall with a hint of color. I thought I was watching Star Trek. Set those photon torpedoes on "neutralize!"
(No, they never said that on Trek, not that I know of anyway.)
Whether you have unique tastes in furnishings, or in careers it doesn't seem like an advantage. When I graduated from high school, I was told I should be a lawyer, a doctor, an engineer, etc. Being a writer never came up. Neither did having my own business. All I was supposed to do was get a good job and get a pension.
Don't follow your own desires. Just fall into line, get into that cubicle and keep quiet. You're getting paid, aren't you?
Not that following those career tracks is bad, but it's not for everyone. Beige walls and generic tile floors aren't for everyone either. If your home is a reflection of you, then it probably will not appeal to everyone. Same thing with your career.
I once saw a home with purple walls in the bedroom. All I could think about was how much paint I'd have to buy to cover them up. If I'd really wanted the place, I would've bought it -- purple walls or not. Obviously they weren't painted that color to appeal to everyone. They didn't have to because they appealed to the person who lived in the home.
Find out what appeals to you, then do it. Neutralize the wall colors in your house if you must, but don't do that to your life.
Tuesday
Surrender
When you can’t see what’s ahead of you, it’s easier to hold on to what you already have. Even if your current situation is painful, you know what to expect from it. But change will come, whether you initiate it or not.
In the beginning you’ll be resistant when you try doing something new. That’s why change must first start with the way we think about ourselves. Then we can reinforce our new thoughts with action. At first it will be difficult, uncomfortable even. If we don’t see immediate results from the changes, it’ll be easy to believe that we’re wasting our time.
However, if we’re currently dissatisfied with some aspect of our lives, we’re already in the process of change. Awareness means that some part of us has changed, and we’re no longer comfortable with the status quo.
There’s no change without surrender. Surrender the need to be in control. Surrender the illusion of security. Surrender and move through the fear that keeps you stagnating in a life you’ve outgrown.
In the beginning you’ll be resistant when you try doing something new. That’s why change must first start with the way we think about ourselves. Then we can reinforce our new thoughts with action. At first it will be difficult, uncomfortable even. If we don’t see immediate results from the changes, it’ll be easy to believe that we’re wasting our time.
However, if we’re currently dissatisfied with some aspect of our lives, we’re already in the process of change. Awareness means that some part of us has changed, and we’re no longer comfortable with the status quo.
There’s no change without surrender. Surrender the need to be in control. Surrender the illusion of security. Surrender and move through the fear that keeps you stagnating in a life you’ve outgrown.
Friday
Defining Yourself
We’re defined by our families, our social status, our looks, our ethnicity, etc. Aside from all of the definitions, baggage and expectations put on us by others, who are we?
From Employee to Business Owner
Making the transition from employee to self-employed has been quite a process. My expectations and beliefs about myself have also gone through a transformation. I’ve always been defined by my work, my title, my paycheck -- who am I when those things are not set by some company’s org chart?
If you have a business, you can’t sit there waiting for a manager to tell you what to do next. You have to make the decisions and trust that they are the right ones for you. Some decisions are huge, others may seem less important to the life of the business.
Whether I call myself the “CEO,” the “President" or the “Owner” may not seem like a big deal. Yet, for me it was. I was uncomfortable thinking of myself as a president or CEO. My perception of the kind of person who has that title did not line up with how I saw myself.
How are You Being Defined?
Being independent as a business owner has led to my releasing a lot of stuff that had nothing to do with who I am. “Stuff” that was put on me to define me as a worker in a particular industry, or a person with a certain level of education or income. I didn’t realize how deep those definitions went until I set out to make a major change in my life.
What I’ve learned is that when I define myself, there are no limitations.
There’s a lot of power in that.
From Employee to Business Owner
Making the transition from employee to self-employed has been quite a process. My expectations and beliefs about myself have also gone through a transformation. I’ve always been defined by my work, my title, my paycheck -- who am I when those things are not set by some company’s org chart?
If you have a business, you can’t sit there waiting for a manager to tell you what to do next. You have to make the decisions and trust that they are the right ones for you. Some decisions are huge, others may seem less important to the life of the business.
Whether I call myself the “CEO,” the “President" or the “Owner” may not seem like a big deal. Yet, for me it was. I was uncomfortable thinking of myself as a president or CEO. My perception of the kind of person who has that title did not line up with how I saw myself.
How are You Being Defined?
Being independent as a business owner has led to my releasing a lot of stuff that had nothing to do with who I am. “Stuff” that was put on me to define me as a worker in a particular industry, or a person with a certain level of education or income. I didn’t realize how deep those definitions went until I set out to make a major change in my life.
What I’ve learned is that when I define myself, there are no limitations.
There’s a lot of power in that.
Tuesday
Begin Where You Are
No doubt if you have a desire to make a career transition, you want to do it right away. Once you've decided what you want to do, and where you want to go, you're impatient for the change to happen. When I decided to leave IT and go back to being a writer, I was impatient to start my new life. Every delay, every setback, every disappointment seemed timed to frustrate me.
Whenever I read articles about writers who had long freelance careers, or younger writers on their second or third books, I beat myself up. I believed that if I hadn't changed careers from writing to information technology, I would've been much farther ahead as a writer. Who knows how many books I would've written, or how established my career would've been?
Wasted Time
Even after I got a contracting position that drew on my experience as a writer and a technical person, I still reproached myself. This went on for quite a while until I finally had to stop and think. What made me think that my years in IT were wasted? Everything I've been through has added to my knowledge and my skills.
So what if there are other writers with a long list of published work? I've had experiences that are just as valid, and just as valuable.
Another Path
I simply took another path. Not the "wrong" path but my own path. Who says that I'm not where I'm supposed to be? Who wrote the rule book that indicates where anyone should be at any time in their lives?
I think sometimes we focus on the past in order to stop ourselves from dealing with an uncertain future. We never have to face our fear of what can happen if we're always focusing on what has happened. We don't have to deal with the loss of control that comes when we step into the unknown.
In the Moment
It all comes back to fear, doesn't it? Fear that we've lost out by making "wrong" decisions. Fear that we will lose out if we don't make the "right" decision. Instead looking back, I'm going to begin where I am right now. All that I've done has prepared me for this moment. From here I can take one step, then another as I move forward to where I want to be.
Whenever I read articles about writers who had long freelance careers, or younger writers on their second or third books, I beat myself up. I believed that if I hadn't changed careers from writing to information technology, I would've been much farther ahead as a writer. Who knows how many books I would've written, or how established my career would've been?
Wasted Time
Even after I got a contracting position that drew on my experience as a writer and a technical person, I still reproached myself. This went on for quite a while until I finally had to stop and think. What made me think that my years in IT were wasted? Everything I've been through has added to my knowledge and my skills.
So what if there are other writers with a long list of published work? I've had experiences that are just as valid, and just as valuable.
Another Path
I simply took another path. Not the "wrong" path but my own path. Who says that I'm not where I'm supposed to be? Who wrote the rule book that indicates where anyone should be at any time in their lives?
I think sometimes we focus on the past in order to stop ourselves from dealing with an uncertain future. We never have to face our fear of what can happen if we're always focusing on what has happened. We don't have to deal with the loss of control that comes when we step into the unknown.
In the Moment
It all comes back to fear, doesn't it? Fear that we've lost out by making "wrong" decisions. Fear that we will lose out if we don't make the "right" decision. Instead looking back, I'm going to begin where I am right now. All that I've done has prepared me for this moment. From here I can take one step, then another as I move forward to where I want to be.
Monday
Needs and Wants
I can remember back when I was working in the corporate world. If I took a new job and my income increased, so would my spending. Suddenly more and more things I thought I needed would materialize and so would the debts.
When I thought about going out on my own, all I could think about were the debts I had to pay off. How would I do that if my income were reduced? I told myself I deserved to have whatever I wanted because I worked hard for it. Yet, what I really wanted was to work for myself, and my actions were not supporting that desire.
Finally I was able to pay off my debts, put money away and leave my regular job for a contracting assignment. When that assignment ended, I went freelance.
On My Own
I've been working for myself for almost two years and I have no regrets. But don't think that I'm saying that everything fell into place easily. It didn't. My mindset was still where it was when I was working in a corporate job and getting a regular check.
Instead of focusing on my long range goals of building my business, I gave in to short-term wants. I bought clothing and rationalized that I needed outfits to wear to business functions -- even though I already had a full wardrobe of business clothes.
I continued the same behavior, not fully accepting that I was not living the same life I had been. Physically I was in my own business, mentally I was still an employee spending my money as though the next check was a certainty. My mindset hadn't caught up to my new life, but a look at the bank balance and the credit card balance helped to wake me up.
Real Needs, Real Wants
My real needs can't be filled by going shopping. Not that there's anything wrong with shopping. But I no longer have to engage in mindless buying to distract me from my career and life frustrations.
Building the life I want to live means being present and awake. It means making choices that support my true wants. Moment by moment, day by day.
Having a closet full of clothing I don't wear is not fulfilling, using that money to support me while I build my business is.
When I thought about going out on my own, all I could think about were the debts I had to pay off. How would I do that if my income were reduced? I told myself I deserved to have whatever I wanted because I worked hard for it. Yet, what I really wanted was to work for myself, and my actions were not supporting that desire.
Finally I was able to pay off my debts, put money away and leave my regular job for a contracting assignment. When that assignment ended, I went freelance.
On My Own
I've been working for myself for almost two years and I have no regrets. But don't think that I'm saying that everything fell into place easily. It didn't. My mindset was still where it was when I was working in a corporate job and getting a regular check.
Instead of focusing on my long range goals of building my business, I gave in to short-term wants. I bought clothing and rationalized that I needed outfits to wear to business functions -- even though I already had a full wardrobe of business clothes.
I continued the same behavior, not fully accepting that I was not living the same life I had been. Physically I was in my own business, mentally I was still an employee spending my money as though the next check was a certainty. My mindset hadn't caught up to my new life, but a look at the bank balance and the credit card balance helped to wake me up.
Real Needs, Real Wants
My real needs can't be filled by going shopping. Not that there's anything wrong with shopping. But I no longer have to engage in mindless buying to distract me from my career and life frustrations.
Building the life I want to live means being present and awake. It means making choices that support my true wants. Moment by moment, day by day.
Having a closet full of clothing I don't wear is not fulfilling, using that money to support me while I build my business is.
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